Thursday, April 5, 2012

Little Sister, part 2


2004: Morgan singing her ABC's to me for the first time
Disclaimer: This post is three things to me: 1) an outlet to inform people who care what has been happening with my family, 2) a form of therapy for me to organize my thoughts and emotions, and 3) vindication for my littlest sister who is not old enough to have a voice people will listen to. I acknowledge that other people reading this may also see it as other things, including a petty way to trash family members and get my personal agenda across. I don't care what they think and if the safety of a 10 year old girl is at stake, I will not care about other peoples thoughts about me, no matter how much I love them.

The bottom line is that this is my personal blog and if you don't like what you're reading then don't read it. That said, I promise that I will do as much as I can to state facts rather than rumors and to limit my mention of other people, no matter how much I want to say more. This blog is my safe place and I share the happenings of my life with you to seek comfort in community. I pray that you will read this with an open heart and continue lifting my family up in prayer.

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A few months ago I posted this about my little sister, Morgan (half-sister by blood, full-sister by love). This was my attempt to paint a picture of the difficult life Morgan has had in the most diplomatic way possible. I did not blog about how bad her home life has truly been since our dad has been with his current wife, Vicky. I did not blog about how my dad called me in January sobbing that Vicky told him he had to choose between her and Morgan and that he did not know what to do. (How do you NOT know what to do in that situation?). During said conversation, my dad told me point blank that Morgan was not the problem and that Vicky just did not want to be tied down to a 10 year old child (He said all of this to me directly, this is not a rumor or speculation). My biggest regret is helping my dad protect his pride by not telling anyone about this because since this has become an issue, I have had family members from both my dad's side and mom's side (who are not related to Morgan at all) volunteer without question to take care of her. I myself would have done it if I truly knew how seriously demented and sick my dad is.

2005 at Cousin Wendy's wedding
I left all of this out months ago because I, like probably the rest of my family, was in a continuous state of trying to convince myself that this was the best my dad could do. That despite his shortcomings, he still chose to raise a little girl on his own which is no small task. Factor in that Morgan was born premature and addicted to illegal drugs, that she shows signs of ADHD and has a rambunctious personality -- I wanted to believe that my dad was truly doing the best that he could and at least he did not abandon her. He is the one person who has been constant in her life every single day. He is her life.

Last December
Days ago I found out indirectly (i.e NOT through my dad) that my dad gave Morgan away to a woman I do not know and that he and Vicky are now on vacation for spring break (Vicky is a teacher). At the time I am writing this blog post, I do not know where my sister is or who she is with. My dad (who I am emancipating myself from as an adult by seeking adoption through my stepdad) will not talk to me, will not return my text messages, will not give me any information on how I can contact her. All I want to do is see with my own eyes that she is safe and to hug her and let her know that normal dads do not give away their kids like house pets. That she has more value than that. That her Heavenly Father is holding her in his hands and can be depended on to the fullest, even when her earthly father has given her away. I have experienced what she has with my dad, but I had a mother who made up for him as much as she could, and for that I am so grateful. But I worry for my sister who does not have a mother of sound heart and mind that she can fall back on.

My faith has been such a struggle this week. I know Jesus is going to take care of her, I know this as fact, and yet I cry and cry and cry because of the unknown. I am praying that the family Morgan is with is an answer to prayer; that they are who she is supposed to be with, even if what my dad has done is such a disgusting act that I can never fully digest.


Yesterday I got the supposed phone number of the woman Morgan is living with, but I have not been able to get into contact with anyone. Please pray for me, that I would have the strength to keep pursuing my sister because there have been some points where I've met opposition from family  members and it has made me wish I was dead instead of living through this. Please pray for the woman who is taking care of Morgan, that she is a good and strong woman who wants to give Morgan the love and support she deserves. Please pray for my dad (although I will admit I have not had the strength to do this myself), because Jesus tells us we must pray for our enemies and I cannot imagine how he can walk through life with the guilt of leaving his baby when he is financially and physically capable of raising her himself.

Most of all, please pray for my baby sister Morgan who, at 10 years old, does not deserve the life that was given to her. Please pray that she does not feel lonely, that she has Jesus with her and she lets him comfort her. Please pray that she is safer physically and emotionally than she was when she was with our dad. Most of all, please pray that she uses all of this to become a stronger, more faithful woman of God and that her difficulties are used to create a powerful testimony of what God Almighty is capable of doing in the life of someone who was without anything. I believe He is the Father to the fatherless and He has taught me every day this week what it truly means to depend on him for this. 

Thank you for your support. I am so grateful that I have this blog to get my feelings out and know so many bloggers who I can trust to share my heart with.

2 comments:

  1. Praying for you and your family. Sending you love Danielle.

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  2. Oh Danielle. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. What a scary situation to be in! I am praying for you and your family. Please keep us updated on the situation! I have a little sister as well and I can only imagine the terror you are feeling right now. Lots of love coming your way dear.

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